Yoga Truths Ipsum

My lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little i only drink organic tea i am reconnecting with my inner self hey i teach teach yoga on my back deck after the community dinner. yoga people are the types who think it's so great that a san francisco yoga studio donated it's used yoga mats to haiti to help homeless earthquake victims. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. yogahead: a new age nutter, twit or bird who has a monthly membership at a local yoga studio and does yoga three or more times a week. they talk about their guru or their vacation at kripaulu center for yoga and health, omega institute, easlen or other spas catering to new age nutters in a breathless, oh-so-spiritual voice. what does a dyslexic cow say? oooommmm. my husband had an affair with a yoga goddess. bad karma. a yoga goddess? a "yogurt goddess" sounds more like a lonely, pretentious, scared little girl who separates herself from the world and other people so she doesn't get hurt. or just someone with autism. yoga is made out of lies about how you are changing the world by raising your leg up like a urinating dog. oh no, my tank top is so tight it shows off my pierced nipples. oh wait, i want people to know i have pierced nipples..

Patagonia made my mantra i smell like patouli oil my dream is to open my own yoga studio. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. you describe the beast (yoga goddess) reasonably well from within her own "orbit." they are amusing and worth a few days or weeks in bed - at most. there are so many fine cultured women in this world - and very few of them practice, let alone teach, yoga! are yoga pants really pants? come on..

Being a yoga practitioner fools people into thinking i am calm wooden earrings in my stretched ears yoga is for people that want to have sex patagonia made my mantra i smell like patouli oil $80 seaweed pants i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i am reconnecting with my inner self i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch this is our next pose... fuck that, i'm going across the street for a drink. my dream is to open my own yoga studio. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. self-righteous spiritual types super skinny yoga chick bodies are not attractive to men. bikram vagina: term used to coin when a woman consistently has a hot and sweaty vagina, comparable to how it feels inside of a bikram yoga studio. close your eyes. if you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open. i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. indulgence is what the yoga goddess seeks more than anything else - from her man, and from the world. dear yoga goddess: if you ever find a guy willing to put up with your ponderous, boner-killing, fun-destroying attitude then i'll believe that chickens have teeth. yoga is made out of lies about how you are changing the world by raising your leg up like a urinating dog. my yoga mat cost more than your yoga mat i never knew being able to contort your body in unnatural ways gave you a free pass to pretentiousness, but i've encountered plenty of jerk face yoga teachers over the years. this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. are yoga pants really pants? come on. fellow girls - yoga pants are not pants. please, for the love of all of us who don't want to see your junk in explicit detail at any given moment, wear something else..