Yoga Truths Ipsum

Patagonia made my mantra got my hood pierced i smell like patouli oil wearing yoga tattoos attracts the boys yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i am reconnecting with my inner self my dream is to open my own yoga studio. the color of yoga is plum. yoga "gear and apparel" is no longer just for the yoga studio. yoga floss: outfits and accessories that typically adorn trophy wives, cougars, and ex-wives who have fucked over their ex-husbands at the yoga studio. fake yoga: the act of using yoga for self-aggrandisement, to define personal style or to make money in the yoga business. yogabond: a derogatory term to describe the new urban hipster who practices yoga, and can be seen wandering the city streets with a five buck latte in one hand, phone in the other, and yogamat slung over their shoulder. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. yogahead: a new age nutter, twit or bird who has a monthly membership at a local yoga studio and does yoga three or more times a week. they talk about their guru or their vacation at kripaulu center for yoga and health, omega institute, easlen or other spas catering to new age nutters in a breathless, oh-so-spiritual voice. fake guru indulgence is what the yoga goddess seeks more than anything else - from her man, and from the world. yoga snob i can agree that yoga pants are comfortable, but that is no reason to wear them in public. yoga pants are the wonder-bra for the ass but they ruin the mystery. yoga pants are way too sheer to wear in public without a skirt or a long top. they advocate misogyny and statutory rape..

Lotus tattoos dreadlocks i smell like patouli oil yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners $80 seaweed pants i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch yoga is gay. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. yoga is the greatest fraud ever perpetuated against american women for the sake of vanity if you don't count the ones that killed or maimed them. i do yoga so i am better than you. super skinny yoga chick bodies are not attractive to men. omg, did you see the latest athleta catalog??? yoga people are the types who think it's so great that a san francisco yoga studio donated it's used yoga mats to haiti to help homeless earthquake victims. what does a dyslexic cow say? oooommmm. i am a yoga goddess. i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. my husband had an affair with a yoga goddess. bad karma. most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. are yoga pants really pants? come on. i can agree that yoga pants are comfortable, but that is no reason to wear them in public..

Taking my yoga instructor class i only started yoga because it is trendy got my hood pierced i smell like patouli oil see you at yoga i''m pretending to be a tree if you don''t stretch you will die yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch mantra schmantra this is our next pose... fuck that, i'm going across the street for a drink. yoga is the greatest fraud ever perpetuated against american women for the sake of vanity if you don't count the ones that killed or maimed them. yoga is fake exercise. yoga "gear and apparel" is no longer just for the yoga studio. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. yiilf: acronym for "yoga instructor i'd like to fuck"; an endearing or confessional term used by yoga students in private reference to their hot and/or enchanting yoga class instructor. all female yoga students dream of someday being considered a yiilf by all of the women and men in their class. close your eyes. if you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open. i've never met a yoga goddess who wasn't a first-class, ego-tripping narcissist largely out of touch with her own deeper nature; though that's often defensively disguised through all sorts of self-referential "discourse." oh...yawn... i will be glad when the yoga backlash hits. and i don't have to see anymore outdoor yoga pose profile pics. indulgence is what the yoga goddess seeks more than anything else - from her man, and from the world. are you going to the yoga retreat next month? this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. fuck yoga. real goddesses can walk their camel toes up a pole and defy gravity. now that takes core. fellow girls - yoga pants are not pants. please, for the love of all of us who don't want to see your junk in explicit detail at any given moment, wear something else. oh no, my tank top is so tight it shows off my pierced nipples. oh wait, i want people to know i have pierced nipples. believe it or not, the same pair of yoga pants garnered me three very profitable marriages. how do you think i afford this house on the river?.