Yoga Truths Ipsum

Going to be a yoga practitioner lotus tattoos if you don''t stretch you will die yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners fuck yoga soft music i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i only do yoga so i can get away wearing my tank top and low cut stretch pants all the time. how else would i show off my over-sized ass-cheek/hip/thigh tattoo to attract my next husband? if you do yoga or are owned by a vampire, you must eventually get a tattoo on your neck. the color of yoga is plum. omg, did you see the latest athleta catalog??? patagonia's new yoga line is out!!! yogabond: a derogatory term to describe the new urban hipster who practices yoga, and can be seen wandering the city streets with a five buck latte in one hand, phone in the other, and yogamat slung over their shoulder. fake guru i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. yoga is great for my bi-curious side that surfaced after my third divorce. my husband had an affair with a yoga goddess. bad karma. this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. fuck yoga. real goddesses can walk their camel toes up a pole and defy gravity. now that takes core. the yoga pant phenomenon worries me. a lot. it's like wearing pantyhose and nothing else in public..

My lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little wooden earrings in my stretched ears see you at yoga soft music hey i teach teach yoga on my back deck after the community dinner. yoga is the greatest fraud ever perpetuated against american women for the sake of vanity if you don't count the ones that killed or maimed them. yoga is fake exercise. patagonia's new yoga line is out!!! yoga floss: outfits and accessories that typically adorn trophy wives, cougars, and ex-wives who have fucked over their ex-husbands at the yoga studio. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. bikram vagina: term used to coin when a woman consistently has a hot and sweaty vagina, comparable to how it feels inside of a bikram yoga studio. fake guru most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. indulgence is what the yoga goddess seeks more than anything else - from her man, and from the world. yoga is made out of lies about how you are changing the world by raising your leg up like a urinating dog. my yoga mat cost more than your yoga mat fuck yoga. real goddesses can walk their camel toes up a pole and defy gravity. now that takes core. the yoga pant phenomenon worries me. a lot. it's like wearing pantyhose and nothing else in public. fellow girls - yoga pants are not pants. please, for the love of all of us who don't want to see your junk in explicit detail at any given moment, wear something else. oh no, my tank top is so tight it shows off my pierced nipples. oh wait, i want people to know i have pierced nipples. yoga pants are the wonder-bra for the ass but they ruin the mystery..

Going to be a yoga practitioner my lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. dear yoga goddess: if you ever find a guy willing to put up with your ponderous, boner-killing, fun-destroying attitude then i'll believe that chickens have teeth..