Yoga Truths Ipsum

Lotus tattoos wooden earrings in my stretched ears patagonia spirit if you don''t stretch you will die $80 seaweed pants i am reconnecting with my inner self patagonia i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch i only do yoga so i can get away wearing my tank top and low cut stretch pants all the time. how else would i show off my over-sized ass-cheek/hip/thigh tattoo to attract my next husband? this is our next pose... fuck that, i'm going across the street for a drink. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. yes, while some men do yoga, the "exercise" is marketed to women as a way to stay skinny without getting sweaty. the color of yoga is plum. yoga "gear and apparel" is no longer just for the yoga studio. omg, did you see the latest athleta catalog??? patagonia's new yoga line is out!!! yoga floss: outfits and accessories that typically adorn trophy wives, cougars, and ex-wives who have fucked over their ex-husbands at the yoga studio. yogabond: a derogatory term to describe the new urban hipster who practices yoga, and can be seen wandering the city streets with a five buck latte in one hand, phone in the other, and yogamat slung over their shoulder. guerilla yoga: to participate in yoga outside a studio, home or private place. to do yoga in public settings, ie. a park, mall, school, boardwalk aka super lame. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. my girl's pussy is always so wet and warm, she must have bikram vagina. what does a dyslexic cow say? oooommmm. i am a yoga goddess. most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. a yoga goddess? a "yogurt goddess" sounds more like a lonely, pretentious, scared little girl who separates herself from the world and other people so she doesn't get hurt. or just someone with autism. my yoga mat cost more than your yoga mat i never knew being able to contort your body in unnatural ways gave you a free pass to pretentiousness, but i've encountered plenty of jerk face yoga teachers over the years. fuck yoga. real goddesses can walk their camel toes up a pole and defy gravity. now that takes core. yoga pants are way too sheer to wear in public without a skirt or a long top. they advocate misogyny and statutory rape..

Going to be a yoga practitioner my lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little yoga is for people that want to have sex i smell like patouli oil i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch i only do yoga so i can get away wearing my tank top and low cut stretch pants all the time. how else would i show off my over-sized ass-cheek/hip/thigh tattoo to attract my next husband? fake yoga: the act of using yoga for self-aggrandisement, to define personal style or to make money in the yoga business. guerilla yoga: to participate in yoga outside a studio, home or private place. to do yoga in public settings, ie. a park, mall, school, boardwalk aka super lame. most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant..

My lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little wooden earrings in my stretched ears patagonia made my mantra got my hood pierced i smell like patouli oil wearing yoga tattoos attracts the boys see you at yoga yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners fuck yoga mantra schmantra hey i teach teach yoga on my back deck after the community dinner. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. yoga is fake exercise. yoga "gear and apparel" is no longer just for the yoga studio. patagonia's new yoga line is out!!! i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. oh...yawn... i will be glad when the yoga backlash hits. and i don't have to see anymore outdoor yoga pose profile pics. dear yoga goddess: if you ever find a guy willing to put up with your ponderous, boner-killing, fun-destroying attitude then i'll believe that chickens have teeth. yoga snob i never knew being able to contort your body in unnatural ways gave you a free pass to pretentiousness, but i've encountered plenty of jerk face yoga teachers over the years. this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. the yoga pant phenomenon worries me. a lot. it's like wearing pantyhose and nothing else in public. fellow girls - yoga pants are not pants. please, for the love of all of us who don't want to see your junk in explicit detail at any given moment, wear something else..