Yoga Truths Ipsum

Taking my yoga instructor class tattoo on the back of my neck i only started yoga because it is trendy $80 seaweed pants i only drink organic tea patagonia i prefer to dress up in fancy clothes and pay someone to watch me stretch i only do yoga so i can get away wearing my tank top and low cut stretch pants all the time. how else would i show off my over-sized ass-cheek/hip/thigh tattoo to attract my next husband? yes, while some men do yoga, the "exercise" is marketed to women as a way to stay skinny without getting sweaty. yoga is fake exercise. if you do yoga or are owned by a vampire, you must eventually get a tattoo on your neck. patagonia's new yoga line is out!!! yogahead: a new age nutter, twit or bird who has a monthly membership at a local yoga studio and does yoga three or more times a week. they talk about their guru or their vacation at kripaulu center for yoga and health, omega institute, easlen or other spas catering to new age nutters in a breathless, oh-so-spiritual voice. fake guru after i started doing yoga, i changed the way i talk to a soft fake whisper i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. i've never met a yoga goddess who wasn't a first-class, ego-tripping narcissist largely out of touch with her own deeper nature; though that's often defensively disguised through all sorts of self-referential "discourse." yoga is made out of lies about how you are changing the world by raising your leg up like a urinating dog. my yoga mat cost more than your yoga mat are you going to the yoga retreat next month? this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. fellow girls - yoga pants are not pants. please, for the love of all of us who don't want to see your junk in explicit detail at any given moment, wear something else. i can agree that yoga pants are comfortable, but that is no reason to wear them in public. yoga pants are the wonder-bra for the ass but they ruin the mystery. yoga pants are way too sheer to wear in public without a skirt or a long top. they advocate misogyny and statutory rape..

Tattoo on the back of my neck my lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little wooden earrings in my stretched ears yoga is for people that want to have sex got my hood pierced wearing yoga tattoos attracts the boys if you don''t stretch you will die i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week fuck yoga my dream is to open my own yoga studio. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. super hippies i do yoga so i am better than you. yoga "gear and apparel" is no longer just for the yoga studio. yoga people are the types who think it's so great that a san francisco yoga studio donated it's used yoga mats to haiti to help homeless earthquake victims. yiilf: acronym for "yoga instructor i'd like to fuck"; an endearing or confessional term used by yoga students in private reference to their hot and/or enchanting yoga class instructor. all female yoga students dream of someday being considered a yiilf by all of the women and men in their class. yogahead: a new age nutter, twit or bird who has a monthly membership at a local yoga studio and does yoga three or more times a week. they talk about their guru or their vacation at kripaulu center for yoga and health, omega institute, easlen or other spas catering to new age nutters in a breathless, oh-so-spiritual voice. fake guru close your eyes. if you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open. what does a dyslexic cow say? oooommmm. you describe the beast (yoga goddess) reasonably well from within her own "orbit." they are amusing and worth a few days or weeks in bed - at most. there are so many fine cultured women in this world - and very few of them practice, let alone teach, yoga! most yoga goddesses desperately need to stop practicing yoga, work overseas in some humble non-yogic capacity -- maybe go back to school and then return stronger and more genuinely wise. indulgence is what the yoga goddess seeks more than anything else - from her man, and from the world. a yoga goddess? a "yogurt goddess" sounds more like a lonely, pretentious, scared little girl who separates herself from the world and other people so she doesn't get hurt. or just someone with autism. this one bitch yoga instructor kept yelling, "suck in your core! suck it in!" and i was like -- bitch, i can hear you but i'm pregnant. i can agree that yoga pants are comfortable, but that is no reason to wear them in public. yoga pants are the wonder-bra for the ass but they ruin the mystery..

I only started yoga because it is trendy i smell like patouli oil wearing yoga tattoos attracts the boys i''m pretending to be a tree yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners i''m doing a vinegar and honey cleanse this week i am reconnecting with my inner self yoga is gay. fuck yoga mantra schmantra my dream is to open my own yoga studio. yoga is the greatest fraud ever perpetuated against american women for the sake of vanity if you don't count the ones that killed or maimed them. yoga is fake exercise. if you do yoga or are owned by a vampire, you must eventually get a tattoo on your neck. super skinny yoga chick bodies are not attractive to men. the color of yoga is plum. yoga people are the types who think it's so great that a san francisco yoga studio donated it's used yoga mats to haiti to help homeless earthquake victims. yoga floss: outfits and accessories that typically adorn trophy wives, cougars, and ex-wives who have fucked over their ex-husbands at the yoga studio. yogabond: a derogatory term to describe the new urban hipster who practices yoga, and can be seen wandering the city streets with a five buck latte in one hand, phone in the other, and yogamat slung over their shoulder. bikram vagina: term used to coin when a woman consistently has a hot and sweaty vagina, comparable to how it feels inside of a bikram yoga studio. fake guru close your eyes. if you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open. i like men to know that i do yoga, because knowing i can bend really well means i'm awesome in bed. oh...yawn... i will be glad when the yoga backlash hits. and i don't have to see anymore outdoor yoga pose profile pics. dear yoga goddess: if you ever find a guy willing to put up with your ponderous, boner-killing, fun-destroying attitude then i'll believe that chickens have teeth. yoga is made out of lies about how you are changing the world by raising your leg up like a urinating dog. are yoga pants really pants? come on. believe it or not, the same pair of yoga pants garnered me three very profitable marriages. how do you think i afford this house on the river?.