Yoga Truths Ipsum

Taking my yoga instructor class going to be a yoga practitioner my lotus tattoo wraps around my hip and sticks out a little dreadlocks i''m pretending to be a tree yoga allows me to lead an alternative, unique lifestyle that is just like all the other yoga practitioners $80 seaweed pants i only drink organic tea patagonia i only do yoga so i can get away wearing my tank top and low cut stretch pants all the time. how else would i show off my over-sized ass-cheek/hip/thigh tattoo to attract my next husband? mantra schmantra this is our next pose... fuck that, i'm going across the street for a drink. i bought the most expensive yoga mat i could find and left the price tag on. self-righteous spiritual types if you do yoga or are owned by a vampire, you must eventually get a tattoo on your neck. the color of yoga is plum. yunt: a yoga cunt. particularly the yoga studio receptionists. like all people who end up on yoga's door step as teachers and their helpers, they are lost, ill defined, failed at all other endeavors and angry. their response is yuntish behavior. frequently yunts date beanie boys. yiilf: acronym for "yoga instructor i'd like to fuck"; an endearing or confessional term used by yoga students in private reference to their hot and/or enchanting yoga class instructor. all female yoga students dream of someday being considered a yiilf by all of the women and men in their class. bikram vagina: term used to coin when a woman consistently has a hot and sweaty vagina, comparable to how it feels inside of a bikram yoga studio. fake guru after i started doing yoga, i changed the way i talk to a soft fake whisper yoga is great for my bi-curious side that surfaced after my third divorce. my husband had an affair with a yoga goddess. bad karma. oh...yawn... i will be glad when the yoga backlash hits. and i don't have to see anymore outdoor yoga pose profile pics. a yoga goddess? a "yogurt goddess" sounds more like a lonely, pretentious, scared little girl who separates herself from the world and other people so she doesn't get hurt. or just someone with autism. dear yoga goddess: if you ever find a guy willing to put up with your ponderous, boner-killing, fun-destroying attitude then i'll believe that chickens have teeth. my yoga mat cost more than your yoga mat i never knew being able to contort your body in unnatural ways gave you a free pass to pretentiousness, but i've encountered plenty of jerk face yoga teachers over the years. fuck yoga. real goddesses can walk their camel toes up a pole and defy gravity. now that takes core. i can agree that yoga pants are comfortable, but that is no reason to wear them in public..